Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I Give Up!

I have to be honest with you. I'm frustrated. I am a planner. I like to have everything prepared. I'm a doer, a "Martha", per say. I NEED to be working, serving, doing something! I have difficulty "giving up", basking in God's presence, and trusting Him to take care of me. I have trouble being "Mary" sitting at His feet, worshipping Him, without a worry in my mind of all things that need to be accomplished.  God asks us to "serve", "do", and "work" to accomplish His purpose; however, at this point in our adoption journey, I  feel God telling me to "give up", rest at His feet and simply trust Him.

 I've spent the last few weeks scouring the internet to find adoption grants, filling out the application paperwork, laying awake at 1:00 AM wracking my brain for effective fundraisers, sending out letters to family and friends, listing items on e-bay and NONE of it is getting us anywhere close to where we need to be.  We are only $40.00 closer to our goal (Thank you to the 4 friends who donated $10 each through facebook! We do appreciate your effort and every bit of support helps!!!) We have cut back on our personal expenses, given all our tax refund toward our adoption, and prayed for inspiration. We've literally done all we can do. So, I am giving up. Yes, we may get a call any day and need $6,100.00 at the drop of a hat. No, we don't have $6,100.00 in the bank and I  don't want to go into debt to pay for this adoption. There will be numerous expenses once the adoption is complete, including medical bills, additional furniture for the new child, and of course the day to day expenses. It doesn't make sense to go into debt and I don't think that is God's will for us.

 Is it easy to sit back, trust God and not worry about how we are going to pay for it? Not at all! I am struggling with the overwhelming stress of it all, but I know He is guiding our steps. Since God has called us to this adoption, He is going to take care of every aspect of it, including the finances.  Sometimes, we just need to "give up", sit at His feet and TRUST Him to take care of all our needs. Sometimes we need to spend time basking in His presence, worshipping Him without worrying about how His plan is going to come together and remember that He can make it happen-without our help! "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths..." Prov. 3:5-6

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