Wednesday, January 25, 2012

This adoption journey: not what I expected.

This adoption process has not been what I expected. When God asked us to step out in faith by adopting a child, I had a nice little scenario in my mind of how it would all play out.  We would get our paperwork and homestudy done in about 6 months time; Our dossier would be sent to the Philippines and approved in the expected 2-3 months. We would find a child on the special home finding list and be approved within weeks time, and the whole adoption process would happen within 18 months to 2 years. I thought this was a realistic expectation, leaving room for some of the "expected" bumps and delays.  What I didn't expect was for our homestudy from start to finish to take almost a year. What I didn't expect was for my mother-in-law to be diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and pass away in the midst of our adoption. What I didn't expect was to see the picture of a little girl in September and be waiting even now, four months later, to see if we will be approved to be her parents. What I didn't expect was to feel so lonely in this process. What I didn't expect was my heart to ache this way for children around the world. What I didn't expect was for God to stir my heart to want to advocate for children. What I didn't expect was for God to turn my life up-side-down. What I didn't expect was for Him to take the hardships of this adoption journey and make me a different person.

Sometimes, walking with God in faith doesn't live up to our expectations. We expect to see immediate results of our bold step of faith, like Peter when he spoke on the day of Pentecost and multitudes were saved; but we fail to remember the steps of faith Peter took prior to that day without seeing the results.  We expect, when we step out in faith, to feel power and never doubt. We expect God's plan for our lives to unfold without a hitch. But God doesn't want to meet our expectations, He wants to exceed our expectations.  He wants to take our lives and turn them up-side-down. He wants to use the bumps in the journey to strengthen our faith. He wants to break our heart for what breaks His; He wants one step of faith to lead to another. It's not about taking just one little step of faith. It's about continuing to walk in faith, and you will see God's power in ways you never expected. As you continue in a journey of faith, God will change your heart. He will change your point of view. You will begin to see things in this life the way God truely sees them. And even when your journey of faith is not what you expected, you will look back and see that it has far exceeded your expecations. You will not be the same person you were when you started. God will use the days you feel lonely, to bring you closer to Him. He will take the LONG days of waiting in your journey to show you how His timing is perfect. He will take the unexpected storms to show you how you are safe in His hands; He will guide you through unexpected loss and become your source of comfort.  His strength will sustain you when you feel you can't go on. He takes the unexpected and does something with it far greater than we could ever imagine, drawing us closer to Him. And so, in this adoption journey, I am sure there will be many more unexpected bumps in the road, but I am going to trust Him. He will get me through. He will make me into the vessel He wants me to be. He will sustain my strength. And in the days ahead, when we finally get to meet our little one, I am sure that I will be able to testify of God's faithfulness in a whole new way.

1 comment:

  1. It's crazy how much He stretches us and grows us isn't it? Adoption is hard, but it is such a blessing! I pray that this precious little girl will soon be approved for your family. I can't imagine how excited it will be for your whole family.

    Hope the traveling will come quickly after that!