Two months ago....we were on our way home from getting our new daughter from the Philippines.. I haven't written a lot about our trip, but it was definitely not a vacation! The trip there was long...including 2 hours of severe turbulance when we flew through a typhoon on our flight into Tokoyo-(this resulted in two sick kids, !). I was never so happy to be on firm ground again, but then we had to run through the airport to make our connecting flight to Manila and board right back on another airplane!
Manila was croweded and I mostly felt claustrophobic the whole time I was there. The people, though, are genuine and friendly. I would have loved to had time to get outside of the city and see some of the beautiful country, where I hear it is not so crowded!
When we first met Joy, she was shy, but she clung to Natalie right away. We had told her that Natalie was her "Ate", which means "big sister", but we found out quickly that she called all of her caregivers "Ate". She thought that Natalie was going to be the one taking care of her, so she had decided in her mind that she would love Natalie. Me, on the other hand, not so much. She had really no concept of what a "mother" or "family" was, and I think she was angry at me for taking her away from the only "family" she had ever known and quite possibly terrified of the whole situation! While we were in the Philippines, she did not warm up to me at all and it was a challenge, to say the least. We did not get a "honeymoon" period like I have heard some families talk about! As we have been at home, she fairly quickly warmed up to me and now she is very affectionate with all of us. It is definitely a "joy" to feel those little arms tight around my neck! She loves to give hugs and kisses! :)
We've had the challenges with language barrier, but also laughter. Joy heard the song, "Feliz Navidad" on the radio and she began to sing loudly "Police and a dog". Now that is a standing joke in our family! Joy loves to laugh and has a great sense of humor.
We've had challenges in meshing the "family" together, but already, I have seen a change in Micah and Natalie and how they get along with Joy. Oh, they still have normal arguments and annoyances like any brothers and sisters, but Joy is now a part of our family and I can't imagine it any other way. It is a "joy" to see the kids become a family together!
We are facing some big challenges with Joy's special needs and learning delays. We noticed quite quickly that Joy has difficulty learning in certain areas. I am looking forward to seeing her learn and grow as we work with her and find her the help she needs.
We have come so far in the past two months. Do we still have difficult days? Absolutely. I have read some blogs where everything seems to be going just so perfectly and peachy keen from the very first day...and I wonder...is this for real? Some people are afraid to blog about the realities of adoption because they are afraid of judgment from others. They are afraid that people will say, "You asked for it by adopting an older child," or "This was YOUR choice". BUT the reality is, adoption is not God's first plan for a family. It is not always perfect. It is not always beautiful. It is born out of death or abandonment. It is born out of tradgedy and pain. Don't get me wrong. I am an adoption advocate and I BELIEVE in adoption. God wants us as His children to take care of orphans, but I also want others to know the reality. It takes a strength that sometimes you don't have in and of yourself. It takes a willingness to deal with unpleasant behavior, to love selflessly, to sacrifice time and money for a child who might not always ACT lovable, and definitely doesn't always feel thankful (maybe even resents you for taking them away from the only home they have ever known!). It takes a determination and commiment to parent a child that has been broken and hurt and may be a totally different personality than you. Adopting an older child, especially one with special needs, is not for the faint of heart. To be honest....I struggle. I am not always willing to give selflessly like I should. I have seen a side of myself that I am not proud of. I have been frustrated, brought to tears, and even asked God "why" at times...but God is stretching me and making me into someone with a greater understanding for a hurting child, a greater compassion for parents of children with special needs, and a bigger heart for those who do foster care. I pray that God will make me into the mother He wants me to be so I can help others who might be struggling with difficult adoptions. Once again, this adoption journey has been much more challenging than I expected; but God never said following His plan would be easy or comfortable. I pray that He will continue to change me and make me into the person He wants me to be. I will revel in the joys and trust God to help us overcome the challenges and through it all, I pray that He will be glorified in our family.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Saturday, November 10, 2012
"Why you cry, Mommy?"
Honestly, these past few weeks have been some of the most difficult days in my life. I knew it would be hard to take a 7 year old little girl from the only home she had ever known, from the only culture she had ever lived in, from the only caregivers she had ever loved and help her become a part of our family. I knew it would be especially difficult with her learning delays, her medical condition, and the language barrier. I had read books, gone to seminars, and thought I was throughly prepared...BUT nothing could have prepared me for those first few days and weeks with our new daughter. I do not feel it is right for me to go into detail on this public forum, but if anyone out there has questions, is dealing with a tough transition, or just needs encouragement, please feel free to private message me. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Not that it is easy yet, but today our new daughter finally LOVES me! Probably too much! She won't hardly let me out of her sight when we are at home. She cried for me the first few days of school. We are working toward a healthy attachement where she can be happy even if Mommy is not right with her every single second, and hopefully soon we will be there.
Last Sunday, Joy was having a particularly rough morning. She had been crying off and on all morning and was having a difficult time with all the "new" people she was meeting at church. During the worship service she was sitting on my lap just hugging me as tight as could be, and I started crying as we were singing a particularly powerful song. She looked at me and asked, "Why you cry, Mommy?", patted my back to comfort me, and tried to wipe away my tears. I could not tell her the reason I was crying because I was crying for her. I was crying out to God to heal all the hurts in her heart. I was crying out to God to make her whole, to heal her medical condition, to help her understand how much God loves her and we love her. I was crying out to God for Him to "wrap her in His arms" and comfort her little heart. I was asking God to give me the strength to be the mother that little Joy needs; asking God to give me the patience and to help me to understand why she sometimes acts the way she does. I was asking God to give me the love He has for her and asking Him to help bring us together as a family. And God used Joy to comfort me that morning, telling me "it's gonna be alright."
Most of the time taking a step (or leap, in our case!) of faith isn't easy. I thought the waiting part of this adoption was hard. I thought the financial part of the adoption was a mountian we would never overcome. (Which, by the way, after we factored all the plane tickets, hotel costs, etc, we were only about $1000 short! That is a MIRACLE!) That was the easy part. Now the rubber meets the road and we are parenting a child from a broken background (even though she was well taken care of at her orphanage, there is no substitute for a family!) with hurts, learning delays and medical needs. We have already been to the doctor, the neurologist, an occupational therapist, the dentist...the medical bills are wracking up. Thank God for insurance! We want to get Joy all the help we can get her. Adoption is a beautiful picture, but to see the beauty, you have to walk through the broken. It is not always a cozy, fuzzy, picture-perfect, new-family- loving- each- other..soemtimes it is an angry child, a hurting child, deep disappointment, or feeling all alone...someitmes it is siblings not getting along with the new adopted child or the new adopted child jealous of the siblings. Sometimes it is frustration becuase of a language barrier. Sometimes it is fear; fear that the new adopted child will not be able to overcome such big learning delays; fear on the part of the child being in a new culture or that her new family will leave her...but in the end, it is beauty. God specializes in taking the broken and making it into something beautiful. So I remember Joy's words to me "Why you cry, Mommy?" and I feel her little hand patting me on my back, giving me comfort and I remember that God is in this. He WILL make something beautiful out of it, even if mostly what I see now is the broken. In the mean time, I will cherish every hug. I will hold my little girl's hand at night until she goes to sleep. I will correct and guide and nurture her. I will continue to cry out to God, asking Him heal her deepest hurts and make her whole. I will continue to pray to God for strength and wisdom on how to be the mother Joy needs me to be, asking forgiveness when I fail...and I will continue to pray that He will create something beautiful as He takes the broken pieces and knits us together as a family.
Last Sunday, Joy was having a particularly rough morning. She had been crying off and on all morning and was having a difficult time with all the "new" people she was meeting at church. During the worship service she was sitting on my lap just hugging me as tight as could be, and I started crying as we were singing a particularly powerful song. She looked at me and asked, "Why you cry, Mommy?", patted my back to comfort me, and tried to wipe away my tears. I could not tell her the reason I was crying because I was crying for her. I was crying out to God to heal all the hurts in her heart. I was crying out to God to make her whole, to heal her medical condition, to help her understand how much God loves her and we love her. I was crying out to God for Him to "wrap her in His arms" and comfort her little heart. I was asking God to give me the strength to be the mother that little Joy needs; asking God to give me the patience and to help me to understand why she sometimes acts the way she does. I was asking God to give me the love He has for her and asking Him to help bring us together as a family. And God used Joy to comfort me that morning, telling me "it's gonna be alright."
Most of the time taking a step (or leap, in our case!) of faith isn't easy. I thought the waiting part of this adoption was hard. I thought the financial part of the adoption was a mountian we would never overcome. (Which, by the way, after we factored all the plane tickets, hotel costs, etc, we were only about $1000 short! That is a MIRACLE!) That was the easy part. Now the rubber meets the road and we are parenting a child from a broken background (even though she was well taken care of at her orphanage, there is no substitute for a family!) with hurts, learning delays and medical needs. We have already been to the doctor, the neurologist, an occupational therapist, the dentist...the medical bills are wracking up. Thank God for insurance! We want to get Joy all the help we can get her. Adoption is a beautiful picture, but to see the beauty, you have to walk through the broken. It is not always a cozy, fuzzy, picture-perfect, new-family- loving- each- other..soemtimes it is an angry child, a hurting child, deep disappointment, or feeling all alone...someitmes it is siblings not getting along with the new adopted child or the new adopted child jealous of the siblings. Sometimes it is frustration becuase of a language barrier. Sometimes it is fear; fear that the new adopted child will not be able to overcome such big learning delays; fear on the part of the child being in a new culture or that her new family will leave her...but in the end, it is beauty. God specializes in taking the broken and making it into something beautiful. So I remember Joy's words to me "Why you cry, Mommy?" and I feel her little hand patting me on my back, giving me comfort and I remember that God is in this. He WILL make something beautiful out of it, even if mostly what I see now is the broken. In the mean time, I will cherish every hug. I will hold my little girl's hand at night until she goes to sleep. I will correct and guide and nurture her. I will continue to cry out to God, asking Him heal her deepest hurts and make her whole. I will continue to pray to God for strength and wisdom on how to be the mother Joy needs me to be, asking forgiveness when I fail...and I will continue to pray that He will create something beautiful as He takes the broken pieces and knits us together as a family.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Introducing...Joy Noelle!
Hello, everyone! I have been totally out of commission the past couple of weeks since travelling to the Philippines and returning home with our new daughter. We have had a couple of rough weeks with our adjustment to becoming a family, but things are finally starting to settle down, so I thought I would introduce you to our new daughter. I am not allowed to post pictures of her until we "finalize" the adoption after all our paperwork is filled out for our 1, 3 and 6 month post placement reports and we get the official consent to adopt from the Filippino government.
Here are some things I have learned about Joy in the past couple weeks and I would like to share with you to introduce her to you.
Joy loves to swim!
Joy loves chips (ANY kind of chips), ice cream and pizza! (Also, noodles and rice with various sauces, including salad dressing, mayo, and any other kind of sauce you can think of. We introduced her to Chick-fil-a sauce and she loves that as well!)-Typical kid, huh?
Joy does not eat much meat, veggies or fruit yet...we are working on adding that to balance her diet.
Joy ADORES her new big sister Natalie.
Joy was VERY afraid of Cooper, our miniature schnauzer when she came home just over a week ago, but now she LOVES the puppy. (Most of the time!)
Joy does not like loud noises and is very afraid of any banging, roaring, etc. (She's still getting used to the garage door opening/closing and is TERRIFIED of automatic flushing toilets!)-And yet, she has no qualms about being loud herself-Go figure! She can be very loud and sometimes at the most inopportune times!
Joy does not like stuffed animals...(She is scared of them, especailly at night)
Joy LOVES music and to sing and dance.
Joy is very artistic and likes to paint and draw.
Joy is learning new English words every day and I am very proud of her for starting to express herself with words.
She is super excited to go to school with Micah and Natalie and asks us EVERY day when she can go.
I am very proud of Joy and how she is adjusting. It cannot be easy leaving the only home you have ever known to
go with a strange family. She didn't even really know what a family was, or how to act. She was the oldest in an orphange and all the others were toddlers and younger. She has had so much transition and so much new to learn. She is still learning and testing her boundries, learning to trust us, and learning a new language. She also has a language and development delay, so learning new language is difficult for her. (She knew some English, but mostly spoke Tagalog).She has come a LONG way since meeting us 2 weeks ago and I am truly amazed already at where she is from the first few days we met her. Even though I am exhausted, sometimes I have been frustrated, and the adjustment has been difficult, I know that God will give us the strength and see us through.
Please continue to pray for us as each new day brings different challenges and as we try to be the best parents we can be for Joy.
Here are some things I have learned about Joy in the past couple weeks and I would like to share with you to introduce her to you.
Joy loves to swim!
Joy loves chips (ANY kind of chips), ice cream and pizza! (Also, noodles and rice with various sauces, including salad dressing, mayo, and any other kind of sauce you can think of. We introduced her to Chick-fil-a sauce and she loves that as well!)-Typical kid, huh?
Joy does not eat much meat, veggies or fruit yet...we are working on adding that to balance her diet.
Joy ADORES her new big sister Natalie.
Joy was VERY afraid of Cooper, our miniature schnauzer when she came home just over a week ago, but now she LOVES the puppy. (Most of the time!)
Joy does not like loud noises and is very afraid of any banging, roaring, etc. (She's still getting used to the garage door opening/closing and is TERRIFIED of automatic flushing toilets!)-And yet, she has no qualms about being loud herself-Go figure! She can be very loud and sometimes at the most inopportune times!
Joy does not like stuffed animals...(She is scared of them, especailly at night)
Joy LOVES music and to sing and dance.
Joy is very artistic and likes to paint and draw.
Joy is learning new English words every day and I am very proud of her for starting to express herself with words.
She is super excited to go to school with Micah and Natalie and asks us EVERY day when she can go.
I am very proud of Joy and how she is adjusting. It cannot be easy leaving the only home you have ever known to
go with a strange family. She didn't even really know what a family was, or how to act. She was the oldest in an orphange and all the others were toddlers and younger. She has had so much transition and so much new to learn. She is still learning and testing her boundries, learning to trust us, and learning a new language. She also has a language and development delay, so learning new language is difficult for her. (She knew some English, but mostly spoke Tagalog).She has come a LONG way since meeting us 2 weeks ago and I am truly amazed already at where she is from the first few days we met her. Even though I am exhausted, sometimes I have been frustrated, and the adjustment has been difficult, I know that God will give us the strength and see us through.
Please continue to pray for us as each new day brings different challenges and as we try to be the best parents we can be for Joy.
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